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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24889255">Karkat's Butt Hair</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flagellum/pseuds/Flagellum'>Flagellum</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bathtubs, Butt Hair, Earth C (Homestuck), Embarrassment, Established Relationship, Fluff, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:08:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,361</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24889255</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flagellum/pseuds/Flagellum</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave finds out Karkat's embarrassing secret. The secret is that Karkat shaves his butt hair.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>116</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Karkat's Butt Hair</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>You might think this is crack, but I have never been more sincere about anything in my life. If Dave Strider can learn to stop hiding his his true passions and yearnings with layers of irony, then so can I.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
	<span class="dave">DAVE: alright karkat</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i made the bath extra sudzy just the way you like it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: enough suds to do suds beards</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: once these suds are enveloping our barren chins and prepubescent looking upper lips were gonna look more dignified and arcane than any of Roses wizard OCs</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: do they still count as OCs if theyre characters in a smutty philosophy opus worshipped planet wide</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: whatever who cares about that the only thing i care about is the fact that im about to enter the sacred toasty sudzy zone</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: the studzy zone</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: my dicks lookin all small and pathetic while i wait around out here in the cold i cant have you thinking the dude isnt as voluminous and robust as he once was</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I DON’T THINK I EVER THOUGHT YOUR PENIS WAS EITHER OF THOSE WORDS.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: theyre accurate and you know it anyways here i fucking go</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WAIT.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: whats up man</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THIS TIME INSTEAD OF ME SITTING ON YOUR LAP</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: COULD</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: COULD YOU SIT ON MINE?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what why</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: no way</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i know how much you love being all held and cuddled and shit in the bathtub</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: im not trying to take that away from you dont try to give that up for me</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i like doing it for you</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: being the bottom</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: being on the bottom</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: of the bathtub</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and lets be real i love being on the bottom when youre bumpin the ol worm in my mole hole too</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: filling out my precious south mouth like an application that was due weeks ago</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you know what im like when were getting it on</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: all submissive and blushy like a beautiful bishonen</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: completely out of character nothing like my usual cool aloof self</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: UH HUH.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but for real its cool this is the studzy zone dont get all self sacrificial on me now</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: with that attitude well never successfully recreate that nice calming soporific effect your poor depraved troll body craves</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: let me like</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: soothe you and shit</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i wanna</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"><sub>KARKAT: WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO NICE? YOU’RE MAKING THIS SO HARD.</sub></span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what did you say karkat youre gonna have to speak up you know creating sweet bro and hella jeff the musical did irreparable damage to my ears</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I SAID</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: *SIGH*</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I SAID THANKS.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AND YOU CAN GET IN NOW.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THE SUDS ARE GONNA START DISSOLVING AND THEN WE CAN’T DO SUDS BEARDS.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO LAUNCH YOURSELF IN THERE LIKE THAT EVERY TIME?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah it makes me feel graceful</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHATEVER LET ME JUST TAKE THESE OFF.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: sayonara crab undies</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OK, I'M COMING.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IS THIS GOOD?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: this is</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: good</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHY ARE YOU SQUIRMING LIKE THAT?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: just</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: noticing something</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: UH.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: karkat</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SHIT.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: karkat</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: why does your butt feel prickly</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: karkat what is that</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: why wont you answer me</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: why are your ears turning red</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: dude</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: is this</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: is this fucking stubble</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH MY GOD.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: did you lie to me</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHY IS THIS HAPPENING!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh my god you totally lied to me</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: the evidence is right here perforating my nethers</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: FUCK!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you lied to me i cant fucking believe this</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i cant</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you let me believe for *years* that trolls just dont have body hair down there</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: let me think that your species was just naturally blessed with the smoothest supplest of cheeks</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: cheeks so soft and pillowy that one could and one in fact did take a midday nap on them</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you said and i quote</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: TROLLS DO NOT HAVE YOUR DISGUSTING HUMAN PUBIC HAIR.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I DO NOT SOUND LIKE THAT.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but you fucking do have pubic hair</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you have butt hair</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you have butt hair and youve been shaving it in secret to hide it from me</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SHUT UP.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: JUST SHUT UP.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: karkat man why</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: why would you hide this fundamental fact about yourself</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AGH</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i thought</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i thought you trusted me</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: *sniff*</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HOLY SHIT DAVE ARE YOU ACTUALLY UPSET ABOUT THIS?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: no</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: im not its just</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: whyd you feel like you had to lie to me about something like this</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: the fact that youve been tiptoeing off in secret every other day or whatever to get your shave on</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: making sure your voluptuous ass cheeks are meticulously smoothened for some godforsaken reason</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: im gonna be completely honest with you</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: full sincerity mode right now</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: it does sting a little</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: FUCK.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DAVE I'M SO SORRY.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T TRUST YOU.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WAIT HOLD ON, IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO CRANE MY NECK TO SEE YOU IN THIS POSITION.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ALSO I NEED MY SPROUTING ASS HAIRS TO STOP PRICKLING YOUR THIGHS IMMEDIATELY OR IM GOING TO SHAMESPLODE INTO ASHES AND GET FUNNELLED DOWN THE DRAIN AND EXPELLED INTO THE SEWER SYSTEM.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I’M GONNA TURN TO FACE YOU, OK?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WOW.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IT'S JUST</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU LOOK WAY SADDER THAN YOU SHOULD ABOUT THIS RIDICULOUS FUCKING MORTIFICATIONFEST OF A SCENARIO.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ESPECIALLY WITHOUT YOUR SHADES ON HOLY SHIT.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DAVE YOUR EYES LOOK LEGITIMATELY TRAGIC RIGHT NOW.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: LIKE YOU REALIZE HOW DUMB THIS IS.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WE’RE ABOUT TO HASH OUT OUR FEELINGS ABOUT MY ASS HAIR.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THIS IS SO FAR BEYOND HUMILIATING.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WE’RE ENTERING THE PAN-MELTINGLY ABSURD.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ok i think youre over exaggerating</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: im not that sad about it</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I REALLY THINK YOU ARE DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I GET IT OK.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WE</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WE’VE COME A LONG WAY RIGHT?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DAVE YOU'RE MY</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SHIT.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DAVE YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND AND MY SAFE PLACE AND I LOVE YOU.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AND I THINK</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I HOPE</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT ME.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AND AT THIS POINT WE’VE PRETTY MUCH ENTIRELY BARED OURSELVES EMOTIONALLY FOR ONE ANOTHER.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THE METAPHORICAL EMOTIONAL CLOTHES ARE COMPLETELY STRIPPED AWAY LEAVING OUR METAPHORICAL EMOTIONAL GENITALIA TO FLAP AROUND PATHETICALLY FOR THE OTHER TO PERCEIVE AND GAWK AT BUT THEN HOPEFULLY ACCEPT AND PROTECT.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU’VE TRUSTED ME WITH A LOT.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SO I GET HOW IT WOULD HURT YOU</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT I DIDN’T TELL YOU</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ABOUT MY</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ASS HAIR.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: JESUS CHRIST.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: *SIGH*</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IS THAT WHY YOU’RE SAD ABOUT IT?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i mean</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: :(</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I REALLY AM SORRY DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: why didnt you tell me</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i just dont understand</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: this definitely breaches top three weirdest lies ive ever been told</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and john once lied to me saying he pooped his pants in school</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: dude was trying to prank me but thats not even an ah hah gotcha</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVe: i was in no way inconvenienced by that lie</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: it was just vaguely amusing for me</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and vaguely embarrassing for him</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and also karkat i literally have hair on my own butt</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i wouldnt even think its weird for you to have</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH, BUT YOURS IS SO LIGHT.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ANYWAYS, NOW YOU KNOW SO LOOKS LIKE WE CAN SHUFFLE ON ALONG AND NEVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ok karkat</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i dont know if this is some legitimate heavy emotional baggage thats been weighing on you for a while</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: like yeah its something silly and embarrassing</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but you know ill listen</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: weve done this before</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: its ok</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you can tell me anything</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: so</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: tell me about your ass hair trauma karkat</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: unload that bristly baggage right on me im all ears</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: UGH.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: kaaarkaaat</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: FINE!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IT’S BECAUSE</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: BECAUSE</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DO YOU REMEMBER THAT TIME ON THE METEOR?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IT WAS ROSE’S TURN TO PICK OUT THE MOVIE AND WE WATCHED THE PRETENTIOUS ART HOUSE SEX ONE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you know you loved that movie</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: MAYBE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: BUT DURING ONE OF THE PAILING SCENES, THE LEAD’S BUTT WAS OBTRUSIVELY (NOT GONNA SAY IMPUDENTLY YOU’RE WELCOME) OCCUPYING THE ENTIRE SCREEN.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AND</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AND</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: VRISKA SAID</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: “Ugh 8arf. Hairy 8utt alert.”</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: whoa that was a spot on impression</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AND YOU DAVE</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU SAID</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: “haha right”</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: thats</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: thats it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i mean no im sure that was extremely emotionally harrowing</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you are valid karkat sorry</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DAVE MY ASS IS REALLY REALLY HAIRY.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AFTER I KNEW THAT YOU DESPISED HAIRY ASSES AND FOUND THEM RANCID AND ABHORRENT</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ok thats a massive stretch</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I IMMEDIATELY ALCHEMIZED A RAZOR.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WE WEREN'T DATING THEN.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: BUT ON THE OFF CHANCE THAT YOU EVER DID SEE MY BUTT</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU KNOW LIKE MAYBE IF TEREZI PANTSED ME AND I FORGOT TO WEAR UNDERWEAR THAT DAY OR ANOTHER EQUALLY LIKELY SCENARIO OCCURRED</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I WANTED IT TO BE PREPARED.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SO YEAH.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IM SO SORRY DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AND DONT FEEL WEIRD ABOUT WANTING ME TO KEEP SHAVING I REALLY DON'T MIND. EVERYONE HAS PREFERENCES.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: karkat</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: get back over here and let me feel those prickly little ass hairs on my thighs and ideally dick right goddamn now</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DAVE...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: thats right get on over here theres no room for debate</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: this is the studzy zone</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: youre here to be soothed</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: shoosh</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: are you soothed yet</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: A LITTLE, YEAH.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ok karkat listen</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i do not care about your butt hair</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i care about your personal struggle with having what is apparently the naturally hairiest ass on earth c</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THANKS.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but i dont remember that conversation with vriska even a little</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: im sure i was just dicking around saying shit not really thinking anything of it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i would say there has never been a topic i have felt more neutrally about except i wont even say that</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: because i could be in favor of a little butt hair</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: or apparently a lot in your case</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: first of all its like my pillow just got a fuzzy ass pillow case</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: haha ass pillow case</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: second of all its</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: honestly sort of cute</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: so yeah</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i get why you didnt tell me but im glad i know now</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: karkat i love you</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHOA DAVE, YOU’RE SQUEEZING ME REALLY TIGHTLY.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: sorry</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I LOVE YOU TOO.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HAHA</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HOW DID THIS BECOME A BIG DEAL?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: dont shave it anymore</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OK JEEZ, I WON'T DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HAHA!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I CAN’T BREATHE THIS IS SO TIGHT HOLY FUCK.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: haha</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: wait</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what did you even shave with anyways</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: we dont have shaving cream in the house</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: our faces are both pathetically hairless and up until a few minutes ago i thought the rest of your body was too</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: please dont tell me you went in dry</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i have noticed a few butt pimples here and there</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH MY GOD YOU HAVE?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but your ass cheeks havent been like razor burned beyond recognition ever</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I JUST USED WHIPPED CREAM.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: im sorry you just used fucking WHAT</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH LIKE THE STUFF FOR SHAVING. YOU CAN GET AT THE GROCERY STORE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: karkat thats for eating</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I KNOW IT’S FOR EATING DAVE I'M NOT AN IDIOT.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SHAVING CREAM IS FOR EATING TOO BUT YOU CAN STILL USE IT TO SHAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THEY ARE MULTIFUNCTIONAL.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: jesus fucking christ</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: karkat</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: haha</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hahaha</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hahahahahahahahaha</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: is that</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hahaha</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: is that why your ass always tastes that way</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i thought it was like</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: troll pheromones</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: or i dont know</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: maybe i thought i was so in love with you that i was tasting you with rose flavored taste buds</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HAHAHA!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh wait oh my god</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: is this why you were panicking a little when the store was out of whipped cream yesterday</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: because you couldnt get it to shave with</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hence your presently coarse cheeks</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i thought</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i dont know what i thought</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: maybe that you were being a little squirrelier than usual but i wasnt about to push you on it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i thought hey the dude loves his whipped cream he goes through those canisters like nobodys business</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you know i have wondered why i never saw you actually consume it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i had some working theories</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: one being that you were feeding it to baby animals in secret</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: another that you were using it for a secret arts and crafts project somewhere</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and you know i support you in all your artistic endeavors</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU DO.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but no turns out you were using it to perpetuate an unhealthy ass shaving habit</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: do you believe me when i say i dont care about your butt hair karkat</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i know how you are</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: its imperative you realize that when i say that my new reason for waking up in the morning is to see how your ass hairs are growing in</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i mean it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: really</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OK.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH. I'LL TRY TO BELIEVE YOU DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IT'LL BE WEIRD.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR YEARS.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IT'S LIKE A NEW CHAPTER IN MY LIFE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I GUESS IT'LL BE NICE NOT HAVING TO SNEAK WHIPPED CREAM INTO THE SHOWER ANYMORE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: :)</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: (:B</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: CAN WE DO SUDS BEARDS NOW?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: im gonna try to make mine extra long this time</span><br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I know this was extremely silly so thanks for reading :)</p><p>Also you know Dave had a boner by the end of it. Karkat was on his lap for way longer than his feeble horny body can handle.</p><p><a href="https://flagellvvm.tumblr.com/">Come talk to me on Tumblr where I reblog davekat and post fic stuff!</a> Yes, it's true, I have the generic tumblr theme :( Lame :(</p></blockquote></div></div>
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